Lesson 1.3: What your partner hears

Every message has two versions: the one you meant and the one your partner hears. Within a shared culture, the two are close. Across cultures, the gap can be wide, even when every word is polite by your own standards.

This lesson gives you a simple way to close that gap. Before you send an important message, read it once as the person receiving it. Ask three questions. Does it show respect? Does it show interest in the relationship? Does it leave room for the other person to respond honestly?

Common U.S. phrases and how they may land

Notice that none of the U.S. phrases is rude in itself. Each one is efficient. The difference lies in what the reader expects a respectful business message to contain. In many Nigerian settings, efficiency without courtesy reads as distance. In many U.S. settings, courtesy without efficiency reads as padding. Neither is wrong; you are writing for the reader in front of you.

Three signals partners often look for

• Respect. A greeting, the right title and a courtesy line before business.

• Commitment to the relationship. A sign that you want a partnership, not just one sale. One sentence is often enough: "We look forward to working with you over the long term."

• Room to respond. An open question or an offer to talk, instead of a deadline or a yes-or-no demand.

Distrust is a special case. U.S. firms are right to verify new partners, and many Nigerian companies verify theirs too. The problem is not verification; it is how you explain it. "We need proof your company is real" can feel insulting. "We verify all new partners, and we are happy to share our own registration details" frames it as standard practice on both sides. In Nigeria, you can check a company's registration through the Corporate Affairs Commission (CAC) public search.

You will not get every message right, and you do not need to. Partners are generally generous toward people who clearly make an effort. What matters is the pattern. Messages that consistently show respect, interest and openness build trust faster than any single perfect email. Over time, your partner learns to read you as well as you learn to read them.

Worked example: Mike, who runs a packaging firm in Ohio, needs registration documents and wants to explain his payment terms to a new buyer, Mr. Chidi Eze.

Hi Chidi,

Per my last email, we still need your registration documents ASAP.

Our policy is payment in advance for all orders.

Thanks,

Mike

Good morning, Mr. Eze,

I hope you and your family are well, and thank you again for our productive call last week.

As with all new partners, we complete a few standard verification steps before a first order. When convenient, and ideally by [date], could you share your CAC registration details? We are happy to send our own company information in return.

For a first order we use a letter of credit, which protects both of our companies. Once we have completed a first order together, we would be glad to discuss other terms.

Please let me know if a short call would help.

Warm regards,

Mike Turner

What changed: the request and the payment terms did not change. Mike added a title and surname, a courtesy line, a reason for verification, an offer to share his own details, a clear date and an open door. Each one answers a question the reader might otherwise have answered for himself, less kindly.