Lesson 6.1: Spotting trouble early

In many U.S. business settings, people tell you when something is wrong. A customer complains, a buyer pushes back, a partner sends a blunt email. Problems announce themselves.

In many Nigerian and West African business settings, people often avoid open confrontation, especially with a new partner or a guest. Displeasure may show up as a change in pattern rather than a complaint. By the time someone says "there is a problem," the relationship may already be cooling.

Know the baseline first

You cannot spot a change if you do not know what normal looks like. Notice how quickly your contact usually replies, which channel they use, how formal they are and how long their messages run. Keep brief notes. Then watch for a shift.

Common warning signs

• Slower or shorter replies from someone who used to respond quickly and warmly.

• A change in formality, such as a contact who used first names returning to "Dear Sir," or greetings disappearing from messages.

• A change of channel: a partner who used WhatsApp now writes only by email, or stops answering calls.

• New people in copy, especially a senior person or someone from finance or legal, without explanation.

• Repeated polite non-answers: "no problem," "we are looking into it," "I will revert," with no movement over several weeks.

• The same question asked again, which may mean your earlier answer did not satisfy them.

Not every change is about you

A slower reply may have nothing to do with your relationship. Your partner may be dealing with a public holiday, Ramadan, travel, power or network interruptions, an internal approval process or foreign exchange availability. Treat a warning sign as a reason to check in, not as proof of a problem.

Check your own messages first

Before asking what went wrong on their side, look at what you sent. Read your last three or four messages as your partner might. Common causes include a deadline that felt like an ultimatum, a phrase that showed frustration ("again," "as I already said"), a first name used too soon, or an idiom that did not translate. Message Check flags many of these, including rules NG-DIR-01 (ultimatums) and NG-TON-01 (frustration).

The early check-in

When you see a warning sign, reach out on a personal channel, usually a call or WhatsApp. Ask after the person first. Then ask an open question that makes an honest answer easy. Avoid yes-or-no questions such as "Is everything OK?" which almost always get "yes."

Listen for the real message

The answer may still be indirect. "It is fine, there were just some concerns about timing" may mean timing is the main issue. Thank your partner for telling you, ask a follow-up question, and do not defend yourself on the spot. Your goal at this stage is to understand, not to fix.

The transferable principle

In any relationship where people avoid direct conflict, learn the baseline, watch for changes in pattern, check your own messages first, and check in early with an open question on a personal channel.

Worked example: A partner who usually replies within a day has been silent for a week since you sent revised terms.

Mr. Bello, I haven't heard back AGAIN. As I already said, we need an answer on the revised terms. Is there a problem?

Good morning, Mr. Bello. I hope you are well and that the week has started well for you. I wanted to check in personally after we sent the revised terms. Is there any part you would like us to look at together? I am happy to call at a time that suits you.

Why it works: it removes frustration and capital letters, moves to a personal channel, opens with courtesy and asks an open question that invites the real concern.