Lesson 3.3: Questions that get honest answers

The first two lessons of this module showed you how to read indirect signals. This lesson gives you the tool to act on them: the open question.

A yes-or-no question asks your partner to choose between agreeing and refusing. If refusing directly feels impolite, the easy answer is "yes," whether or not it is true. An open question removes that trap. It asks for information, not a verdict, so an honest answer costs nothing.

Patterns that work

Notice three things these open questions do. They assume the partner has a view worth hearing. They give the partner a respectful way to raise a concern. And they focus on solving a problem together, not on winning a point.

The question about decision makers deserves extra care. Asking "Are you the decision maker?" can embarrass a contact who is not. Asking who else would find the proposal useful lets them bring in a senior person without losing face. The template "Asking who else should be involved" covers this, and Module 4 goes deeper into hierarchy.

How to ask

• Ask privately when you can. A concern that cannot be raised in front of colleagues may come out in a one-to-one call or a WhatsApp message.

• Ask after courtesy, not before. An open question works best after a greeting and some conversation, not as your opening line.

• Wait for the answer. A pause after a question can feel long. Let it run. Your partner may be choosing words carefully.

• Thank the person for any concern raised. It tells them honesty is safe with you, and you will hear more of it.

• Offer options. "Would a smaller first order or staged delivery be more helpful?" gives a partner something specific to react to without having to say no to you.

Open questions are also how you confirm commitment without pressure. Instead of "So we are agreed?", invite your partner to describe the next steps in their own words. If they can name a date, a person and an action, you have real agreement. If they cannot, you have learned that there is more to discuss, which is just as valuable. Then confirm everything in a written recap.

Message Check flags yes-or-no questions used to confirm commitment under rule NG-DIR-03. It is a low-severity flag, because yes-or-no questions are not rude. They simply give you less reliable information. The fix takes seconds, and with practice it becomes habit.

This skill transfers well beyond Nigeria. Open questions help in any market where people are reluctant to refuse directly, and they help with direct partners too, because they surface details a simple yes would hide. They are one of the most useful habits an exporter can build.

Worked example: the final review of terms with Mrs. Eze, finance director at a retail chain in Enugu, before signing.

You: So, are you happy with the terms? Can we sign this week?

Mrs. Eze: Yes, it is fine. We will see.

You: Thank you for walking through the terms with us, Mrs. Eze. Before we finalize, what would you like us to clarify or adjust?

Mrs. Eze: The payment schedule is a concern. Our customers pay us at the end of each quarter.

You: That is very helpful, thank you. Could we look together at a schedule that matches your cash flow?

What changed: the yes-or-no version produced a polite "yes" that hid a cash-flow concern, which would likely have surfaced later as a late payment. The open question brought it out before signing, when it was easy and cheap to solve.